Recognising when to be brave
My favourite scene in a movie is the moment when a key character realises they can be the hero.
When Adrian finally tells Rocky to ‘win!’. When Frances finally commits to the bloody lift in Dirty Dancing. When Dumbo finally realises he doesn’t need the feather! And in The Blindside when Michael finally uses his strength.
These stir emotions in all of us because deep in side we all hope we are made from similar stuff, that when our moment comes, we will be able to step up to the plate. And in doing so we might inspire and serve those we love. We want the exhilaration of doing something brave and hard.
However our real challenge in life is not our capacity for courage; it is ability to recognise the moments to be courageous. Constantly we miss our moment to do something awesome and instead take the impotent option. These missed moments are easy to recognise because they come with a customised rationalisation to justify the courage-less act. We say things like ‘it was the smart decision’, ‘best to be safe’, ‘it is the more intelligent approach’, ‘think I’ll just fly under the radar for a while’ or ‘figured I would be patient’. But the truth is that courage was absent and the alternative decision is a powerless action that can only result in bland emotion.
To still get our required fix of ‘feeling alive’ we might bungee jump on the weekend, go on a roller coaster when on holidays or get drunk so we can talk to someone new. Yet if you want to truly live, these are all fool’s gold.
If you really want to feel alive, make decisions that would liberate your life, but they risk embarrassment in the process.
- Allow yourself to dress differently to everyone at a party or at work, but never justify it or play it down.
- Stop a pretty girl in the street, say something nice and ask if you can give her a call some time.
- Bring up a topic that you and you partner need to talk about and keep discussing it until it feels resolved or progressed.
- Admit you want a job and take risks in the interview process.
- Show a mentor all your bank accounts, warts and all, so that you can get guidance.
- Tell your boss that your working relationship with them is dysfunctional and needs to evolve.
- Admit to your parents, siblings and partner that you love them and have a conversation around it.
- When someone homeless asks for money, give them $200 and meet them again next week so they feel like they exist.
- Leave the house without make up and never justify it to anyone.
- When someone is in pain don’t say “Let me know if I can help”, just do something massive that helps! Drop in food. Start the conversation. Get on a plane. Stay up all night with them. Don’t ask, lead!
This is where your life is! These are your opportunities for movie moments.
You can do this!
The moments when you see a risk to yourself, while in the quest to do something grander, are your defining moments.
I wonder if we too often miss that in a film, the hero ‘moments’ are inspiring for us the viewer, but they are full of dread for the character.
Adrian is terrified that Rocky will be killed. She desperately doesn’t want to see someone she loves get so physically damaged. She has every logical argument available to justify a fear-based decision, and yet in the face of all that, she makes the brave decision.
You might think that Frances should just take the bloody jump, but you try it! You may think it is different for you! But it’s not! It’s the same. In your life you have a leap to take. Something that scares you. And when you don’t take it, you explain your decision by saying “The timing isn’t right” or “It’s not done like that in my industry” or “Oh, it’s ok. It’s not all bad. I’ve over reacted. Best to let it go.”
I call ‘bullshit’. There is a brave decision available that you are capable of! That is your moment!
Ponder; what is the brave decision?
The truth is:
We are terrified that if we quit our job and then can’t find work, our network will tell us how irresponsible our decision was. That our finances will dry up. That we will need to explain a gap in our resume.
We are terrified that if the pretty girl says ‘no’, it will become an ongoing pub story the boys tell. That she might cringe every time she sees us in the future. That she might outright laugh at us.
We are terrified that if people see us without makeup, they won’t like us. That they will see the normal us and that might not be good enough.
We are terrified that if we help a homeless person, we might need to help for a long time. That we might feel shame, guilt or awkward.
But the real question is, what if you act bravely and you succeed?!
What if you move into the dream job? The pretty girl says ‘yes’? You are loved without your makeup? The homeless person says a heartfelt thank you and continues with their life? How much grander is your life? What level of excitement and fulfilment is the reward!
In every moment there is a brave decision you can make. Not a reckless and stupid decision. It’s still an educated and intelligent decisions, it just embodies courage.
Your fear driven decisions are a fool’s gold. You think they keep you safe. Yet they are slowly sucking the spark out of your life.
We are all scared! The question is: what is the bravest decision?
This is how I have learnt to Live More.
Link: Blog on ‘Getting Your Time (Life) Back’
Link: Blog on ‘Overwhelm’
Link: Blog on ‘Have I Achieved Anything In My Life At All?’